don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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