I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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