So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
