it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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