she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
