So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
