he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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