Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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