It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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