I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
