Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
