ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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