Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
