I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this just has baby written all over it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
