I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
