My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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