I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
