The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
