it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
