Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
