if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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