All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I won't apologize to a one balled man
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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