She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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