I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
