I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
