did you get engaged???
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
