wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
