This is not my ceiling
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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