I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
