Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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