If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god it's open bar.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
