Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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