I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
