The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
