I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
