Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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