come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
