Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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