how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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