sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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