My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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