I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
