Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
