No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
