Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
