You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
