she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
