If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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