I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
