and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
