when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
