We're facebook friends in real life
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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